25 days in...

And I'm still struggling to see a difference stylistically in my sketchbook. But it's forcing me to have those uncomfortable conversations with myself about what my end goals are. In the beginning it's about showing up and doing the work. It's ok if the work is just a small amount of time right now, but eventually I will have to dedicate more time to improving my craft. And what is that craft? I kind of know...I want to draw without hesitating and just make filling the page effortless instead of something scary. And that's supposed to lead to...money somehow? Getting the cash in my pocket is the part that makes me want to take a nap.

I listened to a podcast interview with Adam Ming, a guy who decided to give up his career as a start-up cofounder and focus on being an children's book illustrator. He draws for four hours a day, and in two years he reached his goal. But that's a lot of time to dedicate to a goal without any formal training. Similar to an olympic athlete, it's about being able to get through the boring parts of practice and still come back the next day for more. Because change happens with repetition.

Is my goal to be a children's book illustrator? Not right now, but maybe later? What do I want to focus on right now? These are questions for the next 75 days that I hope come into focus.

Pivoting

I've had this post sitting as a draft for a while. This is something that I've been thinking about for months but wasn't ready to share publicly mostly because of all the questions. I'm not ready to answer questions yet. Except if you're one of 4 people who read this, you can ask me questions.

About ten years ago my biggest goal was to become a Disney artist. Not an artist that works for Disney, but to be contracted/licensed to create art or designs for merch and sell full size pieces in the Wonderground Gallery, maybe sign prints in Florida's Art festival. I wanted that so bad. It was THE DREAM. However, in my inattentive ADHD misery, I just couldn't get myself to work on my art enough to be noticed. Not to mention how do you even get noticed? No one has a real answer, by the way. I don't know if it was gatekeeping or not, but there is no solidified path on record anywhere. Moral of the story is the dream was overwhelming, but I held onto it for years—up until recently.

So now, dear reader, I've put that dream to bed. But truly don't feel sad for me. I'm about to admit something that I don't think a lot you will believe.

I'm over Disney.

Stop rolling your eyes. Yes, I still have a Disney+ sub. It comes with Hulu so whatever. TBH D+ has their hooks in me with signing on to stream the Eras Tour movie. And I still watch the movies and Marvel shows. Loki season 2 is really good. I can see why your skeptical. I'm also just went to Disney World with my family and had a lot of fun. Ok...I'm not throwing away all my Disney backpacks yet. Or the posters. Or the other...things I have. I DID however unfollow just about every Disney-affiliated IG account. I have no Disney news to flood my feed. It's called progress. I'll go into exactly WHY I gave up on Disney another day, just be happy for me ok? Because I am happy with this decision.

And more progress: I only bought food and one souvenir from the WDW parks—at baseball hat because it was blazin' hot and the sun is too much and of course I forgot to bring a brimmed hat. I was tempted by the new food/snack line of merch they just launched. Me from 5 years ago probably would have bought it all, but I know I would never wear that stuff anywhere else outside the parks. And as I'm trying to remove the Disney themed stuff in my house, I knew I would regret buying it later. Also a weird move of fate: right before our trip my avocado Mickey salt and pepper shaker broke. It's the universe helping me purge the mouse from my life. It's hard to ignore 100% of the time. It's everywhere when you're trying to not think about it.

Art block: 100 day project

I've been following the 100 day project for a couple years and I love the idea but never had the guts to actually attempt it. The next 100 day community project will begin Feb 18th. Of course you can start whenever you like, but sometimes it's fun to be part of a collective group working towards the same goal. Or not.

My 100 day project goal is to create art everyday. I've already gotten pretty good at knitting, so I that's not included. I do that anyway for funsies. This will be more about practicing the playful part of making art. Experimenting and seeing what happens. Putting some limitations in place is probably for the best. If I have too many options I get overwhelmed. Part of this project will be cut out as much phone time as possible. I've gotten way better at disconnecting from social media, but I've been playing a lot of games on my phone as a replacement. I looked into making my phone "dumb" but it costs money. The iPhone actually has a lot of tools to limit screen time...just have to spend a minute setting it up. Also made a point of moving certain apps to the "back page" of my phone. Only important apps get to sit on the homepage.

Anyway, Here are the things I want to do in the next 100 days. It's too much, but I figure I can get the ideas down here and attempt them in chunks:

• draw in my sketchbook or iPad

• 30 min activity/day

• read 30 min/day

• stop eating fast food

• stop drinking all alcohol

• stop looking at phone as a default when I'm bored

Haha Yeah that's way too much. I will of course attempt the first one - to make art everyday. The limitations will be: has to be in one sketchbook (hope there are 100 pages) and only with non-erasable tools. Markers, colored pencils, ball point pens and the like are ok. But no going back to "fix" anything. The reading and limited phone usage will be there to support my goals, but not really part of the project.

Wish me luck!

#100dayproject

The "Art block" series is an on-going exploration of how to be more creative in everyday life without feeling overwhelmed. Look for posts in the same to read more about my experiences overcoming my personal struggles with being a creative.