Been MIA

And I'll tell you why. I've been knitting and crocheting almost every day, and I've never been more content with my life. I'm giving myself a break from the side-hustle thoughts. I'm tired of always thinking of how I could monetize my hobbies - my joy. Now it's just for me, and who cares if I have 20 unfinished projects and too much yarn? I'm so excited when I sit down and get better at my crochet and knitting skills.

I've also stopped creating drawing/painting projects— stuff I've been thinking about nonstop but never do and then beat myself up about not doing. I've also been reading more books. A group of ladies at work started a book club, and at first, I didn't think about joining, but now I'm all in, and it's a lot of fun. Also letting go of the guilt of not finishing a book. If it was good, I would finish it. I'm not wasting my last 40-50ish years on this earth not reading because I think I need to finish another book first.

Current crochet project:

The Velma Sweater I love color block sweaters and this one has endless options. I'm using Lion Brand "Feels like Butta" that my mom gave me. The torso will be a light gray/off white and the sleeves will be light purple and mint green.

Current knitting project:

Ok too many pick from but I'll start with the first stranded/fair isle color work sweater.

The Wave Sweater Surprised that this one caught my eye but IG has a lot of knitting influencers that inform me of cool projects. Like the Velma sweater, this one has a lot of color combo opportunities. I'm using Lion Brand "Heartland" that I've had in my stash for years. Excited to finally find a project I want to use it for.

Books I'm reading (and may not finish?)

The Pisces by Melissa Broder. This woman is a poet and it shows in her work. Beautiful, thought-provoking prose. But I'm at a point in the book where the main character is neglecting her sister's dog she is caring for and I'm seeing a lot of foreshadowing that is making me upset. I want to read all of it but I need a break for a bit to process that this dog is just fictional.

Quicksilver by Callie Hart. Literally just started this morning as a way to distract myself from The Pisces but it pulls you in quickly. Excited to keep reading. This book got a lot of praise online and seems to be on track to be the next "it" fantasy book.

Part of Your World by Abby Jimenez. This month's book club pick. Very cute, very rom-com. It's nice to read about characters you actually like and are rooting for.

25 days in...

And I'm still struggling to see a difference stylistically in my sketchbook. But it's forcing me to have those uncomfortable conversations with myself about what my end goals are. In the beginning it's about showing up and doing the work. It's ok if the work is just a small amount of time right now, but eventually I will have to dedicate more time to improving my craft. And what is that craft? I kind of know...I want to draw without hesitating and just make filling the page effortless instead of something scary. And that's supposed to lead to...money somehow? Getting the cash in my pocket is the part that makes me want to take a nap.

I listened to a podcast interview with Adam Ming, a guy who decided to give up his career as a start-up cofounder and focus on being an children's book illustrator. He draws for four hours a day, and in two years he reached his goal. But that's a lot of time to dedicate to a goal without any formal training. Similar to an olympic athlete, it's about being able to get through the boring parts of practice and still come back the next day for more. Because change happens with repetition.

Is my goal to be a children's book illustrator? Not right now, but maybe later? What do I want to focus on right now? These are questions for the next 75 days that I hope come into focus.

Pivoting

I've had this post sitting as a draft for a while. This is something that I've been thinking about for months but wasn't ready to share publicly mostly because of all the questions. I'm not ready to answer questions yet. Except if you're one of 4 people who read this, you can ask me questions.

About ten years ago my biggest goal was to become a Disney artist. Not an artist that works for Disney, but to be contracted/licensed to create art or designs for merch and sell full size pieces in the Wonderground Gallery, maybe sign prints in Florida's Art festival. I wanted that so bad. It was THE DREAM. However, in my inattentive ADHD misery, I just couldn't get myself to work on my art enough to be noticed. Not to mention how do you even get noticed? No one has a real answer, by the way. I don't know if it was gatekeeping or not, but there is no solidified path on record anywhere. Moral of the story is the dream was overwhelming, but I held onto it for years—up until recently.

So now, dear reader, I've put that dream to bed. But truly don't feel sad for me. I'm about to admit something that I don't think a lot you will believe.

I'm over Disney.

Stop rolling your eyes. Yes, I still have a Disney+ sub. It comes with Hulu so whatever. TBH D+ has their hooks in me with signing on to stream the Eras Tour movie. And I still watch the movies and Marvel shows. Loki season 2 is really good. I can see why your skeptical. I'm also just went to Disney World with my family and had a lot of fun. Ok...I'm not throwing away all my Disney backpacks yet. Or the posters. Or the other...things I have. I DID however unfollow just about every Disney-affiliated IG account. I have no Disney news to flood my feed. It's called progress. I'll go into exactly WHY I gave up on Disney another day, just be happy for me ok? Because I am happy with this decision.

And more progress: I only bought food and one souvenir from the WDW parks—at baseball hat because it was blazin' hot and the sun is too much and of course I forgot to bring a brimmed hat. I was tempted by the new food/snack line of merch they just launched. Me from 5 years ago probably would have bought it all, but I know I would never wear that stuff anywhere else outside the parks. And as I'm trying to remove the Disney themed stuff in my house, I knew I would regret buying it later. Also a weird move of fate: right before our trip my avocado Mickey salt and pepper shaker broke. It's the universe helping me purge the mouse from my life. It's hard to ignore 100% of the time. It's everywhere when you're trying to not think about it.