welcome to february

A look back at the first month of 2024! I'm pre-writing this post to see if anything I thought I'd do in January actually happened and how it went.

January always feels like an extension of the holiday season for me. I don't like to do dry January because it's my birthday month and I don't want to feel restrained by diet or new routines. So February is more like my new year. I've been working on an off on a 12-week plan to get into an art routine. But in the mean time...

• First ever Disney World trip! I don't feel 40 so I'm celebrating like any Disney adult and going to FL to experience the WORLD. There's nothing quite like a milestone birthday to make the imposter syndrome really kick in. [The trip was fantastic and we got to and from Orlando on time—with Alaska cancelling flights, it caused a lot of stress not knowing if we'd have to reschedule our vacation. We did have to change plans in DFW, but other than that everything went fine.]

• IG update: I hate those reels where the hook is "I gained 5000 followers just by doing this! (read the caption)". So you do, and meanwhile you've unintentionally rewatched their 5sec reel 50 times, which makes their view count go way up...and probably gain a ton of followers! And then their caption is f*cking useless b/c it's just "be yourself! Don't be a slave to the algorithm." b.s. How ironic. But, like, does that actually work? Let's see... [No update yet, just trying to make content causing me to stress out.]

• Books read: I'm Glad My Mother Died by Jennette McCurdy (finished 01-12-24)
  

• Currently reading: A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas / It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover. Ok, I'm really struggling with ACOTAR. I dislike all of the characters. Maybe Lucien is OK. He doesn't get as much attention as the other two main characters, but he's the most interesting IMHO...So far. I've tried to read this book 3 TIMES and I always get stuck because Feyre is so unbelievably air-headed. And I don't mean that because she can't read. She actively wants to go back to her house full of verbally and emotionally abusive family members because she's worried about them. Even though her "captors" have given her family money to have a better life while she's gone and if Feyre returns to her family the money goes away. This is where I always get stuck -- every time she tries to escape. WTF is with this lady? I'm not even half way done. But everyone says the next book is way better. So I'm giving this author a chance to redeem herself. [Did ZERO reading on our trip. Not even on the plane. Just played games on my phone for 4 hours because there was coughing kids surround sound and I needed to listen to music to tune them out.]

if you don't share it, how will anyone see it?

But also, if you don't make it, how can it exist?

I hate the question for new year resolutions because who cares really? Lose weight, save money, be healthy? Boring. Honestly I don't give a shit that you want to travel more. I like setting goals for new year plans. And I like tracking things like data and consistency. Probably because I've silently struggled with ADHD which makes personal accomplishments almost impossible without consequences.

When I graduated college, it was during a recession. It sucked. Design jobs were sparse, so I thought at least I could take on freelance work! Big fat nope. I was junior in my skills and business management (LOL I really thought I would be great at it fresh out of college). A job finally turned up and I've been lucky that I've been able to get so much experience at various companies creative departments over the last 15 years. I even take on freelance jobs here and there. But I had a sad realization. The freelance work I'm getting hired for is for IT support. I know my way around a CMS platform, but no one wants to use my design skills. And TBH, that's entirely my fault. All my design work is centered around someone else's idea. Someone else already did the designing part, I'm just rearranging things. I few design jobs I have gotten were for very small businesses that didn't want to spend time and money on a good designer, so they settled for me. And I definitely delivered on lack-luster designs. If I were to pick a goal for 2024, it would be to actually design something that is all mine: like really dig into the skills I know I have buried in my brain. Not only to prove that I can do it, but to have something to show for all the information that I've absorbed—And the excitement that I really have for art and design.

Coincidently, after I wrote the above paragraph (sorry to ruin the illusion, but I'm incapable of finishing anything in one sitting), I watched a workshop with Aaron Draplin on Adobe Live. I've been able to watch a few of Aaron's live workshops, and he is a delight to listen to and watch his process. He repeats the same mantras in most of his workshops, but that's not a complaint. He says them over and over again because they are very true and we very much forget them: Get out, be inspired, put in the work, but always do work for yourself. Even though I know I've heard him say that advice many times, it hit me in the gut (in a good way) this last time because—as you read above—I want to work on my designs for myself. Not just illustrations, but design work that makes me happy. Things just align at certain times, and maybe it's all coincidence, but I'm going to lean into my human nature of identifying patterns and take it as a sign.

So...I bought myself some Field Notes journals to SOLVE ALL MY PROBLEMS <3

breaking through art block

The beginning of December was met with a sad goodbye to our beloved dog, Elsa. Even when you know the end is near, it's never easy. The sadness was intense and at times overwhelming. But I got through it. You can always get through it.

It took me a while to get back into art creation. A little longer than I thought, TBH. Looking back, the art block only lasted about 3 weeks. Maybe because there was a lot going on between the beginning of the month and end of year events, but it felt like months.

Here are the things I learned from that block (and that I'm still working on).

• It's ok to do nothing. It's ok to just feel your feelings and not be productive.

• Working with your hands is the best meditation. I did a lot of knitting and crocheting and cleaning.

• When you're ready to start creating art again, do what's easy and doesn't need a lot of thinking - like drawing from observation or redraws of stuff you've already done before.

I was having a hard time thinking of new ideas to work on. Nothing that came to mind brought me joy. So I went back through my sketchbooks and Procreate gallery to gather motivation. But again nothing created any new sparks or ideas. But then I realized I have to pathway though the block already. I decided to redraw some of my old artwork from years ago. My style has changed and redrawing old ideas took away the pressure to create a new idea. And it's been really fun. I found myself going for my iPad more often than the last three months combined.

The thing for me to work on for 2024 is how to keep going when life events (good or bad) happen that throw off your mood. I've read so many motivation themed books over the years and the one thing that keeps coming up is consistency. Do your routine everyday so that when life does throw you a curve ball, you can easily get your focus back. Because motivation is fleeting. Habits are more sustainable.

Here are a few of the redraws I started last week that I'm still working on:

2018 >> 2023

This year I'll be building up a subscription blog - a lot like Patreon! But for now it's all free for whomever decides to read my sparse blog :)